Blog and Podcast

Step 8: All Those I’ve Harmed (Making a list) – 3.08S

Whether it’s through betrayal, trauma, abuse or lying, addictions can cause a lot of harm. In this episode, Jay and Lori cover the first step to making it right, as well as what to do if you’re not ready to.

Episode Summary:
-Step 8 of the 12-Steps
-The first steps in making amends
-Cautions if you’re not ready to make things right
-God can change our “want to’s”

0:00 Intro and explanation of Step 8: We made (this list)
2:16 “Just because I’m willing, doesn’t mean…” & Jay’s personal experience
4:16 This step isn’t about relationship—neither is…

Step 7: The Humble Ask (God Doesn’t Just Take it Away) – 3.07S

It’d be great if God just took the desire for our addicts away, but we rarely see that in our line of work. This episode covers what to do instead, as well as special things to consider after lying and betrayal.

In this episode we cover:
-Step 7 of the 12-Steps
-What true humility looks like
-God doesn’t just take it away

0:00 Intro
1:38 If you have to ask about it then… / The middle part of the 12-Steps
2:22 Getting to where we’re humble enough to ask without… / It’s not like God’s going to just take it away if…
3:22 “God, you’re going to have to take it away, because I don’t want to let go of it” / Many examples of what humility looks like***

Step 6 Character Defects (Handing over old tools) – 3.06S

Porn addiction, betrayal and lies can wreck a couple. An addict has to be ready to release his old coping mechanisms. Jay and Lori also cover their experience with addiction and fear, as well as what surrender looks like. They also address the difference between Savior and Boss.

0:00 Intro & Step 6 (Preparing for this…)
1:55 “Being entirely ready” means getting rid of ‘tools’ that help only me
3:08 Jesus appears to ask a stupid question but it applies to addicts***
4:52 But those tools have been effective in these ways…

Step 5: Admit It (and how this is different than Disclosure after Betrayal and Lying) – 3.05S

Watch video on YouTube here: This Step is about addicts not lying to themselves anymore—and not hiding the truth about themselves—anymore. It’s about getting real, and why. In this episode we cover: -Step 5 of the 12-Steps -How there are different layers to addiction and lust -What else needs to be faced regarding lust if Read more about Step 5: Admit It (and how this is different than Disclosure after Betrayal and Lying) – 3.05S[…]

Step 4: A Fearless Step (Write for Freedom) – 3.04S

Withholding information (also known as lying) is common, especially with porn and sex addicion. That’s why this step is crucial to healing, both for the addict, and for the one who’s been lied to and sexually betrayed.

In this episode we cover:
-Step 4 of the 12-Steps
-A searching and fearless moral inventory
-The more you write out, the more freedom you will experience

0:00 Intro to Step 4: Listing where they were out of integrity (and one easier way to do this)
2:54 What to look for in a sponsor/accountability partner
3:25 Disclosure: how it’s different (t’s done with the betrayed partner’s pain in mind)

Healing Addiction through Surrendering All (if you have questions)

Hello Our latest video is down below, but as an FYI… We will be on a live Q&A tonight as part of a summit sharing tips on managing emotions, disclosure, separation, reconciliation and beyond in an online summit called Renew. The Q&A is happening at 7pm Eastern tonight (May 12), and we hope you can Read more about Healing Addiction through Surrendering All (if you have questions)[…]

Addiction Recovery & Betrayal Trauma: Step 2 (Restoring Sanity) – 3.02S & Tons of Free Information

This episode covers: Step 2 of the 12 Steps / Believing in a Power greater than ourselves / The root of the problem. Timestamps:
0:00 Intro
1:09 Pornographically addicted
1:32 Step 2 – Restore me to sanity
1:59 Jay gets self-righteous
2:53 Hurt in the name of

Addiction Recovery & Betrayal Trauma: Step 1 (Life Becomes Unmanageable) – 3.01S

Here’s our latest episode, which covers:
-Step 1 of the 12 Steps
-How it reflects the steps toward God
-What Jay and Lori see in their clients

0:00 Intro
0:34 What this season is based on
2:04 Step 1’s key phrases
2:27 What Jay sees with the guys he works with
3:02 A different perspective on our powerlessness
3:57 The difficulty Jay had with this step
5:35 How some addicts deal with this
6:28 The “disobedient dog” in Jay

Addiction Recovery & Betrayal Trauma: Preview (& Behind the Scenes) – 3.00S

Here’s our latest episode, which covers:
-What happened to Jay and Lori in 2020, including run-ins with the IRS
-A behind-the-scenes look at how they celebrated their 25th Anniversary

0:00 Intro
0:22 Preview of Season 3, and Jay’s history with it
1:37 What Lori will be covering/cautioning in Season 3
2:18 For those who’ve been through betrayal trauma (look for the “S”)
2:59 Where were we in 2020?

Betrayal Trauma: Season Recap (& Blooper Reel) – 2.18S

Hello everyone.

In this episode we cover:
-A quick recap of the season on Betrayal Trauma
-Jay and Lori’s favorite episodes
-This season’s blooper reel

0:00 Intro
2:50 What this episode is about: a recap & joy (and Lori being stupid : )
0:48 If you’ve been betrayed
1:06 Guys, imagine if your wife…

Systems of Oppression & Injustice (7 Truths and What to Do About It) – 2.17S

In the last full episode of Season 2, we talk about a not-so-fun reality that exists in many areas of our nation: Injustice through Systems of Oppression. BUT we also share something you can do if you find yourself on the receiving end of injustice.

Angry at God (or With God) – 2.16S

This one starts out talking about the partner’s anger at God (it might just be something else). Then we talk about the addict’s anger at God, himself… and the wife. And what he should do if he’s angry with the wife.

Comebacks – The Nastier One (How I expressed My Voice Pt 2) – 2.15S

This is a continuation of the last episode where we’re covering how Lori responded to those who objected to how we’ve recovered.

This exchange, however, got a little nastier than the last one.

Distance from God and The Different Economies of God (Video) 2.11S

This is one we threw together after a movie one night. The room (and Lori) are a mess, but you may find the content helpful. Thanks to the movie Breakthrough and Chrissy Metz for her powerful acting as the inspiration to our video.

Treat Her Betrayal Trauma Pain as Real (& Pray Boldly) – 2.10S

This is one we threw together after a movie one night. The room (and Lori) are a mess, but you may find the content helpful. Thanks to the movie Breakthrough and Chrissy Metz for her powerful acting as the inspiration to our video.

How Lies Increase Betrayal Trauma, Pt 1 (Video) – 2.07S

Women tell me the lying is worse than the sexual integrity issue. Jay goes into the first lies he ever told, and Lori shares what she thought when he’d lie about certain things. He even shared some brand new truth the day of this recording.

Other Sources of Betrayal Pain (Video/Podcast) – 2.03S

“Aren’t you over this yet?” “It’s just porn!” “It’s your job to forgive!” Some things told to betrayed who’ve been betrayed don’t help. They only become new sources of pain; new ways…

Q&A: A Question to “Cheaters”/Losing Faith/Addiction’s Pace/Rivalries/Gambling

Below are the questions we answered in our first Q&A Session(s). We’ll be doing this from time to time–in between podcasting seasons–so subscribe on YouTube if you don’t want to miss any, as we may not post all of them here. If you want us to continue these, be sure to hit the “Thumbs Up” Read more about Q&A: A Question to “Cheaters”/Losing Faith/Addiction’s Pace/Rivalries/Gambling[…]

How I know we are really together

How I know we are really together. So here is the challenge that most of us face: when we are physically together with our significant other (SO), we aren’t really together emotionally. We are sitting on the same couch, but we are miles apart when it comes to our needs, thoughts, and feelings. If this Read more about How I know we are really together[…]