How do I Forgive with All these Intrusive Thoughts? (healing for the “Drama Queen” label) – 5.20S

If you have ever been called a Drama Queen, this episode may help heal the sting of that label. But first, Jay and Lori tackle the issue of being flooded with bad memories right as you get close to forgiving him—even if your relationship has healed the broken trust. TIMESTAMPS 0:00 Intro & Question 0:52 Read more about How do I Forgive with All these Intrusive Thoughts? (healing for the “Drama Queen” label) – 5.20S[…]

What if He Doesn’t Desire Me Physically? (he’s stolen my femininity) – 5.19

***Trigger Warning: Given the sensitive nature of this topic, please proceed cautiously.*** Jay and Lori tackle the struggle of not feeling physically desired by the husband. They explore the intricate dynamics of femininity, desire, and physical appearance within a marriage. The discussion delves into misconceptions about desire versus lust. Lori shares her personal journey of Read more about What if He Doesn’t Desire Me Physically? (he’s stolen my femininity) – 5.19[…]

Is His RECOVERY REAL if He GETS ANGRY AND WITHDRAWS More? – 5.18S

Description In this short video, we discuss the issue of anger and withdrawal/retraction, and we’ll cover what it looks like as the addicts we work with recover and learn new skills. At the end, we’ll also give *one of the signs that the recovery is real* for you to look for. Timestamps 0:00 Intro and Read more about Is His RECOVERY REAL if He GETS ANGRY AND WITHDRAWS More? – 5.18S[…]

When Should I Stop Talking about the Betrayal? (how you’ll know) – 5.17S

In this episode, we discuss why you might feel the need to bring up past betrayals even years later. We explore what it means if you can’t stop talking about it. Plus, we offer advice for the guys on how to have these difficult conversations, and give you alternative options if your partner doesn’t want Read more about When Should I Stop Talking about the Betrayal? (how you’ll know) – 5.17S[…]

Some Husbands Choose Recovery and Mine Didn’t (Is that About Me?) – 5.16S

(*Trigger Warning for the Final Section*) This heartfelt and candid video delves into a sensitive topic that some women struggle with: “Why do some husbands choose recovery while others do not. Is that about the wife… is that about me?” Prompted by a deeply vulnerable question from my client, MB, I explore various factors that Read more about Some Husbands Choose Recovery and Mine Didn’t (Is that About Me?) – 5.16S[…]

How Long does it Take for Addicts to Heal (create NEW dopamine) – 5.15S

Jay and Lori talk about the typical time it takes for an addict to readjust sources of dopamine, as well as why it can take longer… or shorter. Timestamps 0:00 Intro & Question 0:18 What the experts say 0:36 Solution: What helps it end overnight 1:13 When you should go longer — https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/ – Jay Read more about How Long does it Take for Addicts to Heal (create NEW dopamine) – 5.15S[…]

Do All Strugglers Relapse? (top 2 things a partner can do) – 5.14S

In this short video, we answer to the question, “Do all strugglers relapse” as well as the top two things partners can do if the addict keeps relapsing. We’ll also share one of the first things addicts have to do in order to overcome porn. Timestamps 0:00 Introduction and first question 0:21 The first thing Read more about Do All Strugglers Relapse? (top 2 things a partner can do) – 5.14S[…]

Is it a PROBLEM if He’s Always on DEVICES? (BOUNDARIES for screen addiction) – 5.13S

Join Jay and Lori Pyatt from The Couple Cure as they tackle two questions about screen addiction and boundaries for devices. In this short video, they discuss image addictions, strategies for effective accountability, and appropriate boundaries—including boundaries Jay holds himself to—as well as practical advice to help you navigate this challenging issue. Tune in to Read more about Is it a PROBLEM if He’s Always on DEVICES? (BOUNDARIES for screen addiction) – 5.13S[…]

The 2nd Path SECRET (lessons learned to EASE your PAIN) – 5.12S

Struggling with tips that don’t help you HEAL? Maybe God has a unique plan for you, one that is key for long-lasting and UNBREAKABLE FREEDOM and JOY. Learn why your journey is different… and why that’s to your greatest ADVANTAGE. Watch to reveal this EXTRA-ordinary path. Timestamps: 0:00 Welcome! Let’s get moving… 0:47 Solution: A Read more about The 2nd Path SECRET (lessons learned to EASE your PAIN) – 5.12S[…]

He Relapses with No Remorse. What Steps Should You Take? – 5.11S

This video offers a compassionate and practical approach to navigating an addicts relapse and lack of remorse, providing you with ways to foster healthier relationships. Join in and discover what JV does to find strength and resilience in the face of adversity. Timestamps: 0:00 Intro & Question 1:33 Main Answer Explained 2:55 First steps 3:25 Read more about He Relapses with No Remorse. What Steps Should You Take? – 5.11S[…]

Is He Using His PAST TRAUMA as a STALLING TACTIC? (Signs / 3 Solutions) – 5.10S

If someone in your life says THEY CAN’T HELP HOW THEY ACT in relationship because of what happened to them in the past, we cover one way to tell, and offer a few solutions. Note: while this video is in response to someone’s question about their husband [after a CSAT said ‘disclosure would be a Read more about Is He Using His PAST TRAUMA as a STALLING TACTIC? (Signs / 3 Solutions) – 5.10S[…]

REBUILDING TRUST: 15 SIGNS Your Relationships are HEALING from Betrayal – 5.09S

Ever wonder if your relationship has (or if your relationships have) healed from the trauma you’ve experienced? *Note that, while this video mainly talks about marital relationships, the concepts APPLY TO YOUR OTHER RELATIONSHIPS as well. If a well-meaning but uninformed friend, family member, counselor or church didn’t understand what you were going through, we’ll Read more about REBUILDING TRUST: 15 SIGNS Your Relationships are HEALING from Betrayal – 5.09S[…]

15 Signs You’re Healing from Betrayal Trauma – 5.08S

***Disclaimer: You may have signs of healing that are not on this list. This list is not definitive; it’s just what we have seen in our work with betrayed partners of porn addicts / sex addicts.*** Ever wonder if you’ll know when you’ve healed from the trauma you’ve experienced? This video covers many signs Lori Read more about 15 Signs You’re Healing from Betrayal Trauma – 5.08S[…]

Does He Really Not Know? (‘I have to ask the right questions) – 5.07S

Sometimes addicts answer with “I don’t know” to questions like, “when did it start?” “how often?” and “did you ever see ___?” And his not knowing can leave the betrayed partner feeling very skeptical. Is it possibly he really doesn’t remember? This video dives into that question. Timestamps: 0:00 Intro 0:07 Question: Do porn addicts Read more about Does He Really Not Know? (‘I have to ask the right questions) – 5.07S[…]

What Should Recovering Addicts Watch Out For? (10 Hidden Pitfalls) – 5.06S

Join us as we tackle what recovering addicts need to watch out for on the journey to sobriety. We’ll give practical tips for those in recovery such as avoiding triggers, the “why” behind choosing sobriety, as well as why YOUR PARTNER IS NOT YOUR ENEMY. Because we include a couple of solutions (including an easy Read more about What Should Recovering Addicts Watch Out For? (10 Hidden Pitfalls) – 5.06S[…]

Friends say I should leave–What should I do? (3 Things to Try) – 5.05S

What should you do if the addict keeps relapsing/betraying you–especially if your friends keep telling you to leave? Should you divorce? Should you stay? Can life get any better if he keeps relapsing and lying? We talk about this, while giving you 3 things to try. 0:00 Intro 0:07 Question: My friends say I should Read more about Friends say I should leave–What should I do? (3 Things to Try) – 5.05S[…]

He Lies about Me to His Counselor (“my apology should be enough!”) – 5.04S

In our work, we have seen some husband’s who have lied about their wives to the helping community–lying to pastors, counselors, family and friends–about her. Or the husband will diagnose her with a mental disorder of some sort. We address that topic, as well as what a partner can do, in this situation. 0:00 Intro Read more about He Lies about Me to His Counselor (“my apology should be enough!”) – 5.04S[…]

What To Watch Out for as I Heal? (husband, nurse her back to health) – 5.03S

There are many things I wish I had known right after D-Day… things that would have helped me recover more quickly. In this video, I cover several of them, and Jay gives extra input from the addict-who’s-found-sobriety point of view. (Please note: We do not condone hitting your spouse. If this is happening, please reach Read more about What To Watch Out for as I Heal? (husband, nurse her back to health) – 5.03S[…]

Can He REALLY Recover (without much outside help)? #betrayal #recovery

Can an addict get sober without a lot of outside help? While it can happen, this video dives deeper into this question. We’ll also cover some basics about what addiction recovery looks like. 0:00 Intro 0:07 Question: Is it possible for my husband to be 90% recovered if he’s never been assessed and hasn’t done Read more about Can He REALLY Recover (without much outside help)? #betrayal #recovery[…]

He Goes to Shame and Depression (what can I do?) – 5.01S

Have you ever brought up how someone’s actions caused you pain–only to have them go to shame or depression? What can a woman do in that situation? That is the question covered in this video. 0:00 Intro 0:07 Question: I can’t bring up my pain or things I need to recover or he goes to Read more about He Goes to Shame and Depression (what can I do?) – 5.01S[…]

When Marriage Counselors Divorce (Season 5 intro) – 5.00

In this video, we discuss a difficult topic, so if you’re not up for that right now, feel free to come back later. But it’s happened often enough over the last several years we thought we would cover it. And that hard reality is this: marriages in this particular helping community have been ending, or Read more about When Marriage Counselors Divorce (Season 5 intro) – 5.00[…]

How to Rebuild Trust When He Feels Attacked (“this is stupid”) – 4.25S

What caused Jay to take all of this more seriously (even if he felt attacked)? And what would cause Matt to say, “This is stupid!” We cover both of those here, in this LAST EPISODE OF THE SEASON. TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Intro 0:19 Did Jay Read more about How to Rebuild Trust When He Feels Attacked (“this is stupid”) – 4.25S[…]

One Thing Some Guys Resent (ways to build trust instead) – 4.24S

Transitioning from dating to marriage has its challenges, even without addictions. But healing a relationship after betrayal is even more challenging. Here are some things you can do to make the process easier–without resenting your spouse–especially if you’re trying to rebuild trust. TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Read more about One Thing Some Guys Resent (ways to build trust instead) – 4.24S[…]

One Thing Many Guys Hide (honesty isn’t enough) – 4.23S

Rebuilding trust takes more than honest answers to the questions you are asked. You have to share what is going on for you without being prompted. This is huge in rebuilding trust after betrayal. TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Intro 0:12 Not lying but not sharing (this) Read more about One Thing Many Guys Hide (honesty isn’t enough) – 4.23S[…]

2 Ways to Connect after Broken Trust (sharing this) – 4.22S

Connection doesn’t just happen. You have to make plans and create opportunities to connect. This episode shows specific ways to do this that may work better for both partners. TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Intro 0:24 Because it was majestic or because it was shared? 1:29 One Read more about 2 Ways to Connect after Broken Trust (sharing this) – 4.22S[…]

How to Find Real Satisfaction (trauma-fueled distractions?) – 4.21S

This video covers some brain science behind video games. We also discuss how Jay replaced his entertainment addiction with a bigger life so he could finally feel satisfied. TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Intro 0:21 The brain science? (It simulates success) * 1:46 Distraction due to trauma? Read more about How to Find Real Satisfaction (trauma-fueled distractions?) – 4.21S[…]

How Entertainment Actually Helped After Betrayal (learning but not applying) – 4.20S

This episode covers video games and hobbies, and how being distracted by learning things can harm trust restoration. We also discuss how entertainment actually helped our relationship. TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Intro 0:11 How video games affected our marriage 1:42 I couldn’t entertain him 2:55 One Read more about How Entertainment Actually Helped After Betrayal (learning but not applying) – 4.20S[…]

2 Kinds of Values & 2 Other Addictions (how to name emotions) – 4.19S

In this video we discuss two addictions we haven’t covered before, as well as 2 different kinds of values. WE also discuss the issue of faking vulnerability. TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Intro 0:15 Video games and hobbies (where we invest our time in relationships) 0:39 Stated Read more about 2 Kinds of Values & 2 Other Addictions (how to name emotions) – 4.19S[…]

How to Know: Should You Stay or Go (“I am more important than…”) – 4.18S

How do you know if you should stay or go? And what would cause Lori to say, “I am more important than ___”? We discuss those topics with author and coach, Matthew Fray, as well as what if he never gets it? TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Read more about How to Know: Should You Stay or Go (“I am more important than…”) – 4.18S[…]

What if He’s NOT ‘All In’? (is he clueless, toxic… or teachable?) – 4.17S

In this conversation with Matthew Fray, we discuss different viewpoints if it appears the guy isn’t ‘all in.’ We also cover one thing Lori HAD to start trusting Jay would do. TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Intro 0:15 If he (or she) doesn’t want to be in Read more about What if He’s NOT ‘All In’? (is he clueless, toxic… or teachable?) – 4.17S[…]

How to Stop Mistreating Her (empathy and validation) – 4.16S

How can a guy keep himself from mistreating–or even abusing–his partner? And how do you even start talking about those behaviors? Those are a couple of topics we discuss with author Matthew Fray in this video. TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Intro 0:18 Betrayal trauma & how Read more about How to Stop Mistreating Her (empathy and validation) – 4.16S[…]

What if He Never Changes? (why men get defensive over safety and trust) – 4.15S

Are safety and trust the same thing? This video will look at safety and trust from different angles, and it also covers why a guy may get defensive over those topics, and “What if the guy doesn’t change?” TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Intro 0:14 Are safety Read more about What if He Never Changes? (why men get defensive over safety and trust) – 4.15S[…]

4 Kinds of Guys (“can you just care?”) – 4.14S

In the continued conversation with Matt Fray, we cover a few different kinds of guys, including guys who get defensive, guys who fix, guys who ‘don’t get it,’ and guys who are teachable. We also discuss why Lori would say, “That’s not how relationships work,” and why Matt would say, “Can you just care?” TIMESTAMPS Read more about 4 Kinds of Guys (“can you just care?”) – 4.14S[…]

How to Heal Broken Trust (who will he choose) – 4.13S

How does validation heal broken trust… especially if he constantly chooses himself over her? And how can he conquer the monsters betrayal usually brings? We discuss these with Matt Fray in this video, as well as how just agreeing on the surface can harm relationships. TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to Read more about How to Heal Broken Trust (who will he choose) – 4.13S[…]

“Aren’t You Over That Yet?” (his pain vs. her pain) – 4.12S

This video covers 3 places guys get stuck in broken trust, how he can connect with her pain after broken trust, and what to know if a guy is saying, “Aren’t you over that yet?”. TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Intro / Boys don’t cry? 0:40 One Read more about “Aren’t You Over That Yet?” (his pain vs. her pain) – 4.12S[…]

He Doesn’t Understand My Pain (3 invalidations) – 4.11S

Disagreements can lead to 3 types of invalidation, as well as 1 unique way invalidation erodes trust–especially when she feels he doesn’t understand her pain. We discuss this with Matt Fray, as well as a couple things the guy can do instead. TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Read more about He Doesn’t Understand My Pain (3 invalidations) – 4.11S[…]

One Quick Way to Restore Trust (she can’t heal unless…) – 4.10S

Why is validation one quick way to heal trust? Because without it she will have a difficult time healing within the relationship. This video covers that concept, as well as why sexual affairs may be easier than emotional affairs. (Jay and I also talk about the guys we have a difficult time helping.) TIMESTAMPS (click Read more about One Quick Way to Restore Trust (she can’t heal unless…) – 4.10S[…]

What Makes Men “Get It”? (if an affair is the goal) – 4.09S

What’s the first thing a guy should do if he’s harmed the relationship, and what can make him “get it” more quickly? Also what can the lady do if his goal is to have an affair? We discuss those topics with author Matt Fray. TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that Read more about What Makes Men “Get It”? (if an affair is the goal) – 4.09S[…]

Are Emotional Affairs Actually Affairs? (it’s not difficult) – 4.08S

Unfortunate ideas can get twisted in a person’s mind, leading them to have affairs; ideas like, “But if my wife were the right person…” We discuss this with author Matt Fray, and we also cover the question: Are emotional affairs truly affairs–and what can make it all less difficult? TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below Read more about Are Emotional Affairs Actually Affairs? (it’s not difficult) – 4.08S[…]

Can Lying Actually Cause PTSD? (needs addicts focus on) – 4.07S

Can porn use and lies lead to PTSD? And what can be done when someone says, “Why won’t you lighten up?” We cover those topics in our continued talk with author, Matt Fray. TIMESTAMPS (click on a time below to be taken to that section) 0:00 Intro 0:20 Unmet needs & PTSD after broken trust Read more about Can Lying Actually Cause PTSD? (needs addicts focus on) – 4.07S[…]

She’s Not Meeting My Needs! (is safety actually a need?) – 4.06S

Are her needs more important than his? No, but as you’ll see in this video, his most important needs are usually already met. Our female clients can’t say the same, and this reduces feelings of safety. But is safety actually a need? TIMESTAMPS 0:00 Intro 0:11 Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs within relationships * 1:32 Different Read more about She’s Not Meeting My Needs! (is safety actually a need?) – 4.06S[…]

When the One who Broke Trust Can’t Trust You (vulnerability) – 4.05S

What if the person who’s broken your trust says, “I did that because I can’t trust you!” Today we cover that, as well as the topic of vulnerability with author Matt Fray. TIMESTAMPS 0:00 Intro 0:11 When the man who broke trust says he can’t trust her * 2:08 Vulnerability isn’t weak (it’s THIS that’s Read more about When the One who Broke Trust Can’t Trust You (vulnerability) – 4.05S[…]

How to Increase Intimacy (will it take divorce?) – 4.04S

“Change doesn’t happen until it gets painful enough.” Is this true, and if so, what does it look like? That’s what we cover with author and coach Matt Fray. TIMESTAMPS 0:00 Intro 0:11 Will it take divorce before he ‘gets it’? 2:02 What gets through to guys * 4:20 It doesn’t take more pain when Read more about How to Increase Intimacy (will it take divorce?) – 4.04S[…]

Keys to Successful Relationships (then don’t be married) – 4.03S

Matthew Fray tells what it all comes down to in marriage… and how he felt right after his divorce. Also find out when he would tell a person, “Fine, then don’t be married.” TIMESTAMPS 0:00 Intro / The crux of it all in marriage * 2:45 What defined Matt’s emotions? / Who is most responsible? Read more about Keys to Successful Relationships (then don’t be married) – 4.03S[…]

What’s Her Problem? (what he was adamant about) – 4.02S

This episode covers a little about Matt’s divorce and his two main focal points in marriage. 0:00 Intro 0:07 Solutions: The two main things Matt works on with his clients * 1:58 Jay’s story / Lori’s story 8:37 Jay and Lori’s mentoring program 10:33 Matt’s story 12:31 What Matt was adamant about regarding marriage * Read more about What’s Her Problem? (what he was adamant about) – 4.02S[…]

A Great New Book: This is How Your Marriage Ends – 4.01S

Meet Matt Fray, Author of “This is How Your Marriage Ends” and hear how he says he ‘forced’ his wife to walk away from the marriage. 0:00 Intro 0:28 Matt’s new book: This is How Your Marriage Ends 1:06 Format of these videos 1:44 How we met 2:57 How Matt became a coach 5:52 Matt’s Read more about A Great New Book: This is How Your Marriage Ends – 4.01S[…]

How to “Rage at the Addiction” (solutions for relationships) – 4.00S

  Whether you’re married, divorced, single or separated, there are effective solutions that can help you heal and can help you have better relationships.   This video previews what to expect in the coming weeks and explains how you can find those solutions.   The second half of the video explains how “Raging at the Read more about How to “Rage at the Addiction” (solutions for relationships) – 4.00S[…]

12 Major Pitfalls of the 12-Steps (after betrayal trauma, abuse and lies) – 3.17S

Addicts have to avoid these major pitfalls if they’re going to recover from their addictions… and if they’re going to rebuilt trust. This episode also covers signs to look for in order to know if the addict is serious about recovery.

Episode Summary:
-Some groups allow masturbation
-Co-ed groups
-Knowing what serious recovery looks like
-Applying 12 Step principles to trauma can do more damage

0:00 Intro

0:42 Major Pitfall One: Some Sex Anonymous groups allow masturbation (and this can lead to more lies)

1:52 Major Pitfall Two: Not being careful in Co-ed groups

3:59 Major Pitfall Three: Using group time to badmouth your wife

12 Common Pitfalls of the 12-Steps (after betrayal trauma, abuse and lies) – 3.16S

Addicts have to avoid these common pitfalls if they’re going to recover from their addictions… and if they’re not going to make things worse in the relationship.

Episode Summary:
-Signs of impending relapse
-Sponsorship and Accountability Partnership
-Avoiding becoming a dry drunk
-The “24-Hour Reprieve”

0:00 Intro

1:02 Pitfall One: Relapse (not knowing the signs of it)***

2:39 Pitfall Two: Confusing the roles of the sponsor and accountability partner / What Jay looks for in sponsors

How can a Loving God Allow… (The Pain of Betrayal, Lies and Abuse) – 3.15S

If God is good, how can He allow things like addiction, betrayal, lies and abuse? In this episode we cover that difficult topic. While we address the ancient saying, “fill up the sufferings of Christ,” we also add a caveat for partners who’ve been lied to and mistreated.

Episode Summary:
-How can a loving God allow certain things?
-Filling up the sufferings of Christ
-How betrayed spouses can know if they should STOP suffering to get through to the addict
-Kittens & Crawling into God’s arms
-We both break down and cry

Timestamps:
0:00 Intro
0:46 How can God allow certain things: First thought (another meaning for “will”)
2:35 Second thought (connectibility)
3:20 Third (when the sun always shines there’s little…)